The Night My Heart Broke Open

Last night something happened that I need to write down — not just to remember, but to mark it in time. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t pretty. And I’m not the same person I was before it happened.

I had just started walking my dog when I popped in my earbuds and listened to a video on YouTube called “Woman Dies and Is Shown the Truth of Afterlife, Souls, and Dimensions” by Beyond the Veil. The title sounded intense, but I was curious. I had no idea it would break something wide open inside me.

The woman in the video described a near-death experience. She had been thrown from a horse, and her soul left her body before she hit the ground. She didn’t even feel the impact. The men she was with resuscitated her, and she came back into her body… but it was the time in between that shook me.

She said she was shown every person in her life she had ever judged, been unkind to, gossiped about, or even had impatient or cruel thoughts about. And in that moment, outside of time, she felt the full weight of it. She cried and cried in that realm, drowning in remorse.

And as I listened… something in me broke.

I thought of everyone I’ve ever judged or dismissed. Every impatient moment. Every thought that was sharp, unkind, or unfair. And I cried. Deep, holy, soul-wrenching sobs.

I asked the Creator to show me every soul I had harmed — and I saw them. One by one. And I told them I was sorry. Again and again and again.

Then came the downloads:
- Creator’s definition of safety, and the knowing that I am safe.
- Creator’s definition of forgiveness — that I can forgive myself, and I do.
- Creator’s definition of kindness, compassion, and peace — and that I am all of them.

And I made a vow: I am going to be so, so, so, so kind to everyone from now on.

Not just sometimes. Not just when it’s easy. But all the time.

I asked Creator to anchor me to that moment — the one where I felt the grief of my past actions — every single time I begin to fall into old patterns. I asked to be shown instantly if even a trace of unkindness enters my energy, so I can return to love.

This is no longer a casual intention. This is my life’s mission now.

To be truly, genuinely kind and loving and accepting to absolutely everyone in my life. 
To go out of my way to be kind. 
To extend grace, even in silence. 
To become the version of me that my soul came here to be.

This is how “Operation Kindness” was born.

From now on, every act of love, every smile, every compassionate gesture — I give in honor of those I once hurt. This is my offering. My way of making it right.

And then there’s this one woman in my life… someone I see often. From the very beginning — before we even spoke — she decided she didn’t like me. She’s gone out of her way to make things difficult. And over time, there’s been this heavy, mutual silence between us. We don’t look at each other anymore when we pass. There’s just tension.

But I saw her, too, in that flood of faces last night. And I realized… I’ve judged her right back. I’ve had my own unkind thoughts. And I’ve let that energy grow.

I’m moving in a couple of months and won’t be seeing her again after that — so I’ve decided to leave her a letter. Not for a response. Not for closure. But for peace.

I’ll tell her I see her soul. That I’m sorry. That I wish her happiness, joy, and love in her life. That I want nothing but good for her.

Because this is who I am now.

Later that night, I asked Jesus to come hold me and my inner child while I slept. I asked for the heaviness to be lifted. And slowly… it began to rise.

I understand now what that woman in the video meant when she said it was so, so, so heavy.

I felt it. 
I carried it. 
And now… I’m laying it down.

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If you're carrying pain over things you’ve said or done — things you wish you could take back — I want you to know this: You can make it right. Not by erasing the past, but by transforming it with love.

You are never too far gone to choose kindness. To become who your soul came here to be.

Let it break you open. Let it make you new.

Here are some steps to make “soul excavation” a part of your spiritual journey. 

6 Sacred Steps for Inviting Soul-Awakening Moments

 Step 1: Prepare the Space

- Find a quiet time (morning or night).
- Light a candle or incense.
- Play soft, healing music.
- Have tissues, water, and a journal nearby.
- Wrap yourself in a blanket or shawl.

Step 2: Open with a Prayer or Intention

Say or write: “Creator, I’m ready to see what I need to see. Crack me open with love. Let me remember who I am.”

Step 3: Soul Excavation Prompts

- Who have I hurt or judged?
- What part of me needs healing?
- Where am I out of alignment with love?
- What would forgiveness look like now?
- What am I ready to release to become more of who I truly am?

Step 4: Ask for Divine Downloads

- Creator’s definition of safety, forgiveness, kindness, compassion, peace
- That it’s possible and safe to live from these qualities now

Step 5: Make a Soul Vow

Declare: “I am going to be so, so, so, so kind to everyone from now on. Every act of love will be an offering. Creator, show me instantly if I fall out of love and anchor me back to this sacred remembering.”

Step 6: Close with Stillness and Sleep

- Ask Jesus or Creator to hold you and your inner child while you rest
- Visualize light wrapping around your heart
- Whisper: “It is done. I am new.”